DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. Glenwood Psychologists have vast experience in treating and evaluating both victims and perpertrators of Domestic Violence. We have completed numerous Domest Violence Evaluations over the past 25+ years and our evaluations meet the Illinois statutes that require a Domestic Violence Offender Test for both adults and juveniles.
|
ANGER MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Glenwood Testing Psychologists use a cognitive-behavioral psycho-educational/counseling approach to help individuals better control their expressions of anger. Dr. Frank Cushing has been treating anger problems for 30+ years and has trained thousands of other professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, social workers, nurses, teachers, probation officers, etc.) nationwide on the best approaches to get those with anger issues to learn more effective ways to deal with anger and aggression. Dr Kyle Cushing has worked extensively in corrections facilities with clients who can be difficult to manage and has successfully helped such individuals develop useful Anger Management Plans. By getting clients to focus on personal attitudes, perspectives and viewpoints, the tendency to only see things "MY WAY" is reduced. This positively impacts on a person's ability to be angry less often and with less intensity. The complexity of the anger emotion is such that thoughts create feelings which result in behavior. Thus, by learning to recognize what our thoughts are, we can challenge and change distorted thoughts which will result in less intense, rageful feelings. Once one learns the cognitive behavioral techniques, temper outbursts can be considerably lessened in terms of frequency and viciousness. By learning what thoughts are going through one's mind that cause one's brain to produce anger, a person can recognize the sensations (muscles in jaw, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, etc. get tight and shaky; stomach feels shakey as in nausea or acid stomach; hands/feet feel cold, clammy, perspiring; heart beats causing temple tightness, chest pounding, neck veins bulging)inside of them that signal emerging thoughts that trigger the anger. Anger Management Training will help clients identify and better deal with: -every day annoyances and irritations -the storing up of upsets -the tendency to get mad when plans change becoming angry when goals are blocked -the difficulties in dealing with frustrations -the disappointment in others such as when someone lets you down -being delayed at home or on the road (road rage) -feelings of being embarrassed -personal control issues -dealing with incompetent people or working for/with those one perceives as less capable -Harboring grudges: trying to get even Glenwood's approach to Anger Therapy will focus on helping clients recognize their primary cognitive distortions that sustain and direct their ANGER including: ALL OR NOTHING THINKING—things are NOT always black and white OVERGENERALIZATION—"just my luck" which is an example of Selective Perception MENTAL FILTER: learning NOT to dwell on single negative detail DISQUALIFY THE POSITIVE: thinking good things “don’t count” while forgetting or ignoring the good times CATASTROPHIZING OR MAGNIFYING: making a mountain out of a mole hill EMOTIONAL REASONING: Making decisions and chosing course of actions based on “I FEEL” as opposed to rational thought LABELING: “HE IS A LOSER" or "HE IS AN S.O.B." as justfication for anger response PERSONALIZATION: Not understanding that most times "YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET" but rather, you are taking something personal that was not meant to be a personal attack. By learning to use specific techniques and strategies, almost any person can learn to be more controlled and appropriate in their response to frustrations, irritations and anger-provoking stimuli. The techniques to be taught and rehearsed, include: Self monitoring of internal dialogue in order to monitor "stinking thinking" through introspections, reflection, and sharing concerns with identified, trusted person and/or therapist. Identifying, challenging and correcting Irrational Thinking and Beliefs and learing to recognize distorted thoughts. Journalizing--Identifying justifications for angry reaction through daily irritant/anger journals that list situations that trigger anger and measure the level of upset the client feels. Avoiding "absolutistic" thinking or "Musturbation” and the "tyranny of shoulds" wherein the client believes that others (or they themselves) MUST or SHOULD do or think or act or feel or behave a "certain" way. Focusing on Victim Empathy which will put the angry person in touch with how the victims of his/her anger feel and what impact their rage responses have on those closest to them. Learning to FOCUS on successes as well as failures and understanding that "TO FAIL IS HUMAN." Work on calculating the real probabilities to realize that the worst does not always happen. Eliminate or significantly curtail tendencies to externalize or blame others for problems and learning to stop the judgements of others and accept responsibility for problems yourself. Learn to reinterpret the events that upset you as a way of allowing yourself to accept that things do not always go your way and that can be ok: adjustments can be made. Learning to judge yourself more accurately and to gain insight into and begin to accept your own faults, deficiencies and limitations. The primary goal of Anger Management Training is to "CHANGE THE ANGER EXPERIENCE" for the client and those who love, live and work with the angry person.
|
Violence Prevention: Risk Factors: (from N.Y. State Office of Mental Health)
There are known risk factors associated with potential violence toward self and others. It is important to keep in mind that none of these risk factors alone is sufficient for predicting violence, and it may be inappropriate or potentially harmful to use them simply as a checklist for an individual child, adolescent or adult. This list should not be used to stereotype or stigmatize individual people because they appear to fit a set of risk factors.
Rather, should you have a concern about the liklihood of you or a family member being at risk for violent acting out, you should contact a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who can perform an individual assessment and prescribe the appropriate treatment plan for the person. Glenwood psychologists have been performing such evaluations and providing needed treatment since 1979.
Risk Factors from School History:
-Previously brought a weapon to school
-Aggressiveness in grades K-3
-Social isolation or hyperactivity
-Truancy, getting into fights or misbehaving in class
-Serious disciplinary problems
-Past suspension or expulsion for aggressive behavior
-Anger or frustration present in school essays or artwork
-Academic failure beginning in grade school (experience of failure escalates risk rather than ability)
Personal Risk Factors:
-History of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
-Past violent behavior
-Characteristically resorts to name calling or cursing
-Bullying of peers or younger, more vulnerable people
-History of being bullied
-A pattern of violent threats when angry
-Cruelty to animals
-Fire-setting
-Use and abuse of alcohol or drugs
-Past suicide attempts
-Often depressed or has significant mood swings
-Tends to blame others for personal problems
-Recent experience of humiliation, loss, or rejection
-Preoccupation with weapons or explosives
-Poor peer relations
-Is on the fringe of peer group with few or no close friends
-Involvement with cults or gangs
-Unstructured time
-Community and environmental risk factors
-Extreme economic deprivation
-Low neighborhood attachment and community disorganization
-Access to guns or other weapons
-Past destruction of property or vandalism
-Few organized activities available or taken advantage of
Family Risk Factors:
-History of family violence
-History of weapon possession or use by family
-Abuse of alcohol or drugs by family members
-Family conflict
-History of being abused as child or adult
-Severe or inconsistent punishment
-Absence of clear expectations or standards for behavior
-Lack of supervision or support from parents or caring adults as a child
Other risk factors include:
-History of past violent behavior
-History of arrest
-Past psychiatric hospitalizations
-Mental Illness including Schizophrenia, paranoia antisocial personality disorder or sociopathy
-Cognitive impairment or neuropsychological dysfunction
-Anger, impulsivity and hostility shown towards others
-Situational Stress: job or family related
-Presence of weapons
|
ELEMENTS OF ANGER
Anger is a natural human emotion. It varies for everyone, some people may be able to take a lot before they become mad, while others will become violent over the smallest thing.
Our anger is often motivated by selfishness; a lot of people will lose their head if they don’t get their way.
Certain drugs and alcohol can also affect someone’s temper.
Someone’s anger may be provoked by any one of numerous reasons; it all depends on the person and their “take” of a given situation.
Being angry is rarely the problem for those battling anger issues--It is the frequency and intensity of the EXPRESSION of anger that causes family conflict and discomfort, interpersonal difficulties including job distress and possible legal problems. Anger responses range from mild irritation to intense fury and RAGE. Recognizing when one is first becoming irritated/angry is the first step towards successful anger management. Learning to identify and control the "triggers" of inappropriate anger reactions is the next important step towards anger control.
Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. This allows us to fight and defend ourselves to when attacked. Therefore a certain amount of anger is necessary for survival. But, we can’t physically lash out at everything that annoys us. Laws and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. Expressing your anger in an assertive “non-aggressive” way is the healthiest way to show anger.
The intrinsic, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats--it inspiress powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. However, a key to dealing appropriately with anger is to recognize whether the "threat" is real or is a product of our perception or misperception based upon our history and personality. In many situations, YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET that you may feel like you are. Learning to differentiate whether you are truly being threatened or merely lashing out from other, earlier threats or frustrations will help one not overreact and respond in a manner that is commensurate with the reality of the situation at hand.
Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes: when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as does your level of energy hormones, adrenalin and nonadrenalin (stimulation). By training yourself to recognize the beginnings of the bodily changes (jaw tightens, eyes squint, fists clench, neck veins may bulge, breathing changes, etc.)one can then begin to decide how one wishes to respond to the initial stages of the anger experience.
The three main approaches folks use to respond to anger are EXPRESSING, SUPPRESSING, AND CALMING. Learning to express your anger in an assertive, not aggressive manner, is the healthiest way. Anger management training teaches the Assertive Response as well as other ways to react in more acceptable, non conflictual ways. In doing this assertive response, you can learn how to make clear what your needs are and how to get them met without hurting others.
Anger can also be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold your anger in, stop thinking about it, and focus on something more positive. The goal is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, you may turn your anger inward--on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can also lead to someone becoming cynical and hostile, putting others down, criticizing everyone and everything and getting back at people indirectly (passive-aggressive behavior or personality).
You can also calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior but also controlling your internal responses--taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. It has been said that when none of these techniques work, "that is when someone or something is going to get hurt."
To order a copy of the manual/workbook STRATEGIES & INTERVENTIONS FOR ANGER AND AGGRESSION click on the link below and send an e-mail with your purchase request and contact information. Anger & Aggression Book Strategies and Interventions for Anger and Aggression is a course materials/book edited by Dr. Frank Cushing. The table of contents is listed below: to buy this book, click on the e-mail link above and send your purchase request) STRATEGIES & INTERVENTIONS FOR ANGER & AGGRESSION MANUAL TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE HANDOUT/ARTICLE 1-6 Controlling Anger--Before It Controls You 7-10 Definitions of Cognitive Distortions 11-28 Cognitive-Behavioral and Short-Term Interventions for Anger and Aggression 29-30 Appendix A: The Anger Profile 31-34 Appendix B: Cognitive Distortions Related to Anger and Aggression 35-37 Appendix C: Cognitive Restructuring Protocol 38 Anger Management Plan 39 10 Ways to Keep Your Cool: How not to push the panic button 40-41 Dealing with Anger and Conflict 42 Self-Statements for Dealing with Anger 43 Anger vs. Abuse: Acceptable/Unacceptable Ways to be Angry 44-50 6 Anger Exercises for Clients: Repeat after Me 51-52 Anger Do’s and Don’ts 53 Change: What it Takes 54 Causes of Aggressive and Passive Behavior 55-56 Manifestations of Anger 57-77 Stress Inoculation Therapy for Anger Control 78-82 The Anger Management Log 83 Visualization Exercise 84 Nonviolence Contract 85-90 Client Social History 91 Counseling and Support Group Assumptions and Rules 92-101 Identifying Violence Risk Factors 102-110 The Multidimensional Anger Inventory 111-113 Plain Talk about Dealing with the Angry Child 114-115 Quick Reference to Psychotropic Medication 116-132 Cognitive Restructuring (and other Reciprocal Inhibitors) 133 Anxiety and Assertiveness 134-135 Assertive Rights 136-137 Defusing 138-152 Assertiveness 153 Verbal and Nonverbal Components of Behaviors 154-157 Irrational Thinking that Blocks Assertive Behavior 158-164 Assertive Techniques/Responses and Responding to Assertive Blocks Any Questions about the use of these materials or other data presented in this seminar, contact: Frank Cushing,Clinical Psychologist Glenwood Testing Center E-mail: frank@doctorcushing.com 2823 Glenwood Avenue Rockford, IL 61101 phone: 815-968-5342 fax: 815-877-0044 To order this workbook, click on the e-mail link (Anger & Aggression Book) below and make your purchase request and leave your contact information.
|
ANGER CONTROL: WAYS TO KEEP YOUR COOL: (from APA Online)
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
|
RAISING CHILDREN TO RESIST VIOLENCE: WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Research has shown that violent or aggressive behavior is often learned early in life. However, parents, family members, and others who care for children can help them learn to deal with emotions without using violence. Parents and others can also take steps to reduce or minimize violence. This brochure is designed to help parents work within the family, school, and community to prevent and reduce youth violence.
Suggestions for Dealing With Children
Parents play a valuable role in reducing violence by raising children in safe and loving homes. Here are suggestions that can help. You may not be able to follow each one exactly, but if you do your best, it will make a difference in your children's lives.
Give Your Children Consistent Love and Attention
Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust. Without a steady bond to a caring adult, a child is at risk for becoming hostile, difficult, and hard to manage. Behavior problems and delinquency are less likely to develop in children whose parents are involved in their lives, especially at an early age. It's not easy to show love to a child all the time. It can be even harder if you are a young, inexperienced, or single parent, or if your child is sick or has special needs. If your baby seems unusually difficult to care for and comfort, discuss this with your child's pediatrician, another physician, a psychologist, or a counselor. He or she can give you advice and direct you to local parenting classes that teach positive ways to handle the difficulties of raising children. It is important to remember that children have minds of their own. Children's increasing independence sometimes leads them to behave in ways that disappoint, anger, or frustrate you. Patience and a willingness to view the situation through the children's eyes, before reacting, can help you deal with your emotions. Do your best to avoid responding to your children with hostile words or actions.
Make Sure Your Children Are Supervised
Children depend on their parents and family members for encouragement, protection, and support as they learn to think for themselves. Without proper supervision, children do not receive the guidance they need. Studies report that unsupervised children often have behavior problems.
---Insist on knowing where your children are at all times and who their friends are. When you are unable to watch your children, ask someone you trust to watch them for you. Never leave young children home alone, even for a short time.
---Encourage your school-aged and older children to participate in supervised after-school activities such as sports teams, tutoring programs, or organized recreation. Enroll them in local community programs, especially those run by adults whose values you respect.
---Accompany your children to supervised play activities and watch how they get along with others. Teach your children how to respond appropriately when others use insults or threats or deal with anger by hitting. Explain to your children that these are not appropriate behaviors, and encourage them to avoid other children who behave that way.
Show Your Children Appropriate Behaviors By the Way You Act
Children often learn by example. The behavior, values, and attitudes of parents and siblings have a strong influence on children. Values of respect, honesty, and pride in your family and heritage can be important sources of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative peer pressure, live in a violent neighborhood, or attend a rough school.
Most children sometimes act aggressively and may hit another person. Be firm with your children about the possible dangers of violent behavior. Remember also to praise your children when they solve problems constructively without violence. Children are more likely to repeat good behaviors when they are rewarded with attention and praise.
You can teach your children non-aggressive ways to solve problems by:
---Discussing problems with them
---Asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and
---Talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.
This kind of “thinking out loud” together will help children see that violence is not a helpful solution.
Parents sometimes encourage aggressive behavior without knowing it. For example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn to fight. Teach your children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not with fists, threats, or weapons.
Help your children learn constructive, nonviolent ways to enjoy their free time. Teach them your favorite games, hobbies, or sports, and help them develop their own talents and skills. Read stories to younger children, take older children to the library, or tell family stories about admired relatives who have made the world a better place.
Don't Hit Your Children
Hitting, slapping, or spanking children as punishment shows them that it's okay to hit others to solve problems and can train them to punish others in the same way they were punished.
Physical punishments stop unwanted behavior only for a short time. Even with very harsh punishment, children may adapt so that it has little or no effect. Using even more punishment is equally ineffective.
Nonphysical methods of discipline help children deal with their emotions and teach them nonviolent ways to solve problems. Here are some suggestions:
---Giving children "time out" - making the children sit quietly, usually one minute for each year of age (this is not appropriate for very young children),
---Taking away certain privileges or treats,
---"Grounding" - not allowing the children to play with friends or participate in school or community activities (this is only appropriate for older children or adolescents).
Punishment that involves taking away privileges or "grounding" should be consistently applied for realistic, brief periods.
Children need to feel that if they make mistakes, they can correct them. Show them how to learn from their errors. Help them figure out what they did wrong and how they can avoid making similar mistakes in the future. It is especially important not to embarrass or humiliate your child at these times. Children always need to feel your love and respect.
A positive approach to changing behaviors is to emphasize rewards for good behavior instead of punishments for bad behavior. Remember that praise and affection are the best rewards.
Be Consistent About Rules and Discipline
When you make a rule, stick to it. Children need structure with clear expectations for their behavior. Setting rules and then not enforcing them is confusing and sets up children to "see what they can get away with."
Parents should involve children in setting rules whenever possible. Explain to your children what you expect, and the consequences for not following the rules. This will help them learn to behave in ways that are good for them and for those around them.
Make Sure Your Children Do Not Have Access to Guns
Guns and children can be a deadly combination. Teach your children about the dangers of firearms or other weapons if you own and use them. If you keep a gun in your home, unload it and lock it up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded.
Don't carry a gun or a weapon. If you do, this tells your children that using guns solves problems.
Try to Keep Your Children From Seeing Violence in the Home or Community
Violence in the home can be frightening and harmful to children. Children need a safe and loving home where they do not have to grow up in fear. A child who has seen violence at home does not always become violent, but he or she may be more likely to try to resolve conflicts with violence.
Work toward making home a safe, nonviolent place, and always discourage violent behavior between brothers and sisters. Keep in mind as well that hostile, aggressive arguments between parents frighten children and set a bad example for them.
If the people in your home physically or verbally hurt and abuse each other, get help from a psychologist or counselor in your community. He or she will help you and your family understand why violence at home occurs and how to stop it.
Sometimes children cannot avoid seeing violence in the street, at school, or at home, and they may need help in dealing with these frightening experiences. A psychologist or counselor at school or a religious leader are among those who can help them cope with their feelings.
Try to Keep Your Children From Seeing Too Much Violence in the Media
Seeing a lot of violence on television, in the movies, and in video games can lead children to behave aggressively. As a parent, you can control the amount of violence your children see in the media. Here are some ideas:
---Limit television viewing time to 1 to 2 hours a day.
---Make sure you know what TV shows your children watch, which movies they see, and what kinds of video games they play.
---Talk to your children about the violence that they see on TV shows, in the movies, and in video games.
---Help them understand how painful it would be in real life and the serious consequences for violent behaviors.
---Discuss with them ways to solve problems without violence.
Teach Your Children Ways to Avoid Becoming Victims of Violence
It is important that you and your children learn to take precautions against becoming the victims of a violent crime. Here are some important steps that you can take to keep yourself and your children safe:
---Teach your children safe routes for walking in your neighborhood.
---Encourage them to walk with a friend at all times and only in well-lighted, busy areas.
---Stress how important it is for them to report any crimes or suspicious activities they see to you, a teacher, another trustworthy adult, or the police. Show them how to call 911 or the emergency service in your area.
---Make sure they know what to do if anyone tries to hurt them: Say "no," run away, and tell a reliable adult.
---Stress the dangers of talking to strangers. Tell them never to open the door to or go anywhere with someone they don't know and trust.
Help Your Children Stand Up Against Violence
Support your children in standing up against violence. Teach them to respond with calm but firm words when others insult, threaten, or hit another person. Help them understand that it takes more courage and leadership to resist violence than to go along with it.
Help your children accept and get along with others from various racial and ethnic backgrounds. Teach them that criticizing people because they are different is hurtful, and that name-calling is unacceptable. Make sure they understand that using words to start or encourage violence - or to quietly accept violent behavior -is harmful. Warn your child that bullying and threats can be a set-up for violence.
An Extra Suggestion for Adults
Take Care of Yourself and Your Community
Stay involved with your friends, neighbors, and family. A network of friends can offer fun, practical help, and support when you have difficult times. Reducing stress and social isolation can help in raising your children.
Get involved in your community and get to know your neighbors. Try to make sure guns are not available in your area as well. Volunteer to help in your neighborhood's anticrime efforts or in programs to make schools safer for children. If there are no programs like this nearby, help start one!
Let your elected officials know that preventing violence is important to you and your neighbors. Complain to television stations and advertisers who sponsor violent programs.
Encourage your children to get involved in groups that build pride in the community, such as those that organize clean-ups of litter, graffiti, and run-down buildings. In addition to making the neighborhood a safer place, these groups provide a great opportunity for parents, children, and neighbors to spend time together in fun, safe, and rewarding activities.
Potential Warning Signs
Parents whose children show the signs listed below should discuss their concerns with a professional, who will help them understand the children and suggest ways to prevent violent behavior.
Warning Signs in the Toddler and Preschool Child:
---Has many temper tantrums in a single day or several lasting more than 15 minutes, and often cannot be calmed by parents, family members, or other caregivers;
---Has many aggressive outbursts, often for no reason;
---Is extremely active, impulsive, and fearless;
---Consistently refuses to follow directions and listen to adults;
---Does not seem attached to parents; for example, does not touch, look for, or return to parents in strange places; and
---Frequently watches violence on television, engages in play that has violent themes, or is cruel toward other children.
Warning Signs in the School-Aged Child:
---Has trouble paying attention and concentrating;
---Often disrupts classroom activities;
---Does poorly in school;
---Frequently gets into fights with other children in school;
---Reacts to disappointments, criticism, or teasing with extreme and intense anger, blame, or revenge;
---Watches many violent television shows and movies or plays a lot of violent video games;
---Has few friends, and is often rejected by other children because of his or her behavior;
---Makes friends with other children known to be unruly or aggressive;
---Consistently does not listen to adults;
---Is not sensitive to the feelings of others;
---Is cruel or violent toward pets or other animals; and
---Is easily frustrated.
Warning Signs in the Preteen or Teenaged Adolescent:
---Consistently does not listen to authority figures;
---Pays no attention to the feelings or rights of others;
---Mistreats people and seems to rely on physical violence or threats of violence to solve problems;
---Often expresses the feeling that life has treated him or her unfairly;
---Does poorly in school and often skips class;
---Misses school frequently for no identifiable reason;
---Gets suspended from or drops out of school;
---Joins a gang, gets involved in fighting, stealing, or destroying property; and
---Drinks alcohol and/or uses inhalants or drugs.
* This brochure is a collaborative project of the American Psychological Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics. Many experts from both of these professional groups contributed to the development of the material presented here.
Copyright 1996 by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission.
The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for professional health and mental health care or consultation. Based on individual facts and circumstances, a psychologist or pediatrician may recommend varied approaches to child rearing and violence prevention or treatment options for serious or chronic problems.
|
|
